IM ALLEN AND I TEND TO..

i’m in a very awkward situation. well.. its not bad. its not good either. its the type of feeling where you dont know what to feel anymore. its worse than hate. hating makes you feel insecure, afraid, yet loving makes you feel weak. 

they say when you find that someone who you love, get away as far as you can. she’ll make you weak. its true i guess, not saying that i’ve met one. 

its hard to explain it really is. am i expecting too much? or am i not seeing the bigger picture here. am i thinking too hard? or are we just drifting apart. 

its times like these when im restless; jumping into conclusions, taking the extra mile just to see those eyes, wasting time by waiting and waiting. 

am i just being an asshole and pressuring whats nothing, making things worse, making the wound just heal longer? am i the only one whose opening up and being vulnerable?

some say the power in a relationship lies on the person who cares less. what power are we talking about if we are not even in a relationship? what are we now?

i make up questions and think about what to say on the highway.. i forget about them in a second as soon as i see those eyes. yes those eyes. 

your eyes are the embodiment of a beautiful person. your eyes speak languages that i dont understand. your eyes.. i just feel like talking about your eyes.

i feel like thinking about you day and night but i just cant anymore. i cant think about the possibilities. i cant think about how you make me feel a man rather than a boy. i cant think about the countless similarities we have. i cant think on how much you really do care about me. so now its about time i ask you the timeless question.. :)

Sitting here in this dark room, typing on my laptop is where i feel most comfortable. with no one to talk to, no one to listen to, nothing to hear to except for mere music, nothing to look at but alphabets and images, nothing to think about, its all about me now.

Its where i feel most comfortable. with no face to look at, no one to disturb you. total emptiness. its kind of sad to say it here on Tumblr but yes, I love to be alone. Who doesn’t?

It’s kind of hard to have a me-time these past week, these past month. It’s all about giving in to others, and tending to your own wound. it’s all about being understanding and all goody-good, while inside it bleeds profusely with no end..

I feel like locking myself up in my room, turning the music so loud that the lights around me explode. Well explode may appear to be too dramatic, but it fits so yeah.

I feel like driving in my car, just stopping by your place to wonder what you are doing, how you are doing. Well I wonder what you’re thinking about right now. Are you thinking about me?

I feel like chilling at home, playing awesome games on my 21” super computer. I feel like consuming alcohol above the limits of the law. I feel like poisoning my lungs with smoke so sweet I can’t breathe. I feel like talking to my dreams at night and cry by myself. Yes it’s that sad, its dramatic but it fits =)

My last paper is on Saturday, which is LIB101-Sociology. I love this subject because its provocative. it makes you think are there anything else out there that theorists haven’t made a theory on? but then I don’t like exams so explains why I’ve been watching movies and sleep all night long these couple of days.

I’ll be coming home soon.